Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
