i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
