Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
