I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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