you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
