A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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