At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize