i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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