you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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