We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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