nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
