girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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