the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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