he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
