Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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