I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
