how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
