Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
