fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
