oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
