dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was not drunk enough for that final.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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