all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
