Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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