Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
