I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
