Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
