quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
