The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
