Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
