I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
