I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
