i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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