im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
