well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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