This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
