i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ok first of all what the fuck
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
