Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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