I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
