I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
