If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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