So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
