Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
