i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
