Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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