And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
