I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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