i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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