just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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