I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
