im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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