I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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