My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
