4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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