so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
