you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
