I'm lost and stupid without you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
