Me. At least after what I've been through.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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