i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
