Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She told me I should be a condom model.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Still dying that you shit outside
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
