i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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