Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
