I wanna passion pit in your ass
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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