can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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