Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
