goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
